This is it

Does it feels like that at the end of days?

All that one have been working for finally becoming a passe. Seeing nothing ahead, nothing present. Feeling useless, pointless and no sense of purpose.

Bore isn't avid enough a description. It is a feeling of loss. The time to sit down and let the mind wonder off, only to bump with all the sad memories, and what it has been like before all this business started.

Not sure whether to head home, or stay and be free. But freedom comes with a lot of autonomy, which don't really goes very well with absolute silence for the whole time.

I wonder if this is how I will feel like before the judgment seat. When all that have been occupy me have been proven vulnerable to time, when all material possessions seem to have lost their importance, when all desires seem to have become as insignificant as a peck of sand.

Perhaps maybe then it will not just be bore and loss, but more like a sense of guilt and regret? Eternal regret, that is scary.

Therefore I don't need a one month break. Because sad memories remain as sad with time, they cannot be changed.

Only to become more vivid.

And the last good one was many years ago, and time vividness doesn't work with good memories. That is a sad memory itself.

Thank you jx for always confessing the positive for me.



To wait and to trust at the same time is the worst form of torture, an evil that feeds on the soul.
谁和我一样，等不到他的谁？ It is feeding on my soul.